If asked to read a corporate white paper, I feel like ...
Looks like someone has already voted from this IP. If you would like to vote please login and try again.
If asked to read a corporate white paper, I feel like ...
0
Percentage of others that also voted for:
Missing option: (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Missing option: (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Missing option: (Score:5, Informative)
Can you direct us to a white paper enumerating best practices for optimal client-centered Buzzword Bingo methodologies?
http://bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/ [bullshitbingo.net]
Re:Missing option: (Score:5, Funny)
Can you direct us to a white paper enumerating best practices for optimal client-centered Buzzword Bingo methodologies?
We should not overestimate the transformational power of industry buzzwords, nor the new synergies they can help us achieve in emerging vertical markets. What we need is a new paradigm embracing the best practices that will lead us to ever growing profitability.
Re:Missing option: (Score:5, Funny)
Are you the Grand Nagus?
Re: (Score:2)
Are you the Grand Nagus?
Why yes. Yes I am.
Re:Missing option: (Score:4, Funny)
http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html [dack.com]
Re: (Score:2)
Are you suggesting that the words of the Nagus are procedurally-generated bullshit from a third-rate website?? Really???
The jig is up, imposter! (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Duh, reading comprehension? The OP is the Grand Nagus, I'm just Rachel - you just fell on your own troll...
Re: (Score:1)
Re:Missing option: (Score:5, Funny)
While you touched on many important paradigms, I think it's crucial to understand that the core of the problem with the buzzword complex is that it overemphasizes the transformative cultural forces present in highly interactive social network ecosystems.
What we truly need is a flexible and authentic approach to telling deep, engaging stories about a performative community culture that focuses not only on iteration but also on building meaningful relationships within our social graphs in order to create an innovative and multifaceted story-based brand, through which we can see past the unnecessary and false dichotomy between sustainable growth and scalable, engaging profit opportunities.
Re:Missing option: (Score:5, Funny)
Re: (Score:1)
Of course you did, its becasue it's true.
If it's a word that's been used for decades, it' isn't a BUZZword.
Re: (Score:2)
Lucky we have people like you who generate a constant supply of new ones.
Re: (Score:1)
You poor soul. It is now your responsibility to commit ritual suicide in order to prevent the viral spread of the toxic paradigm to other vulnerable minds.
Re: (Score:2)
I really wish I had some mod points for you folks! Made my night.
Can you direct us to a white paper enumerating best practices for optimal client-centered Buzzword Bingo methodologies?
We should not overestimate the transformational power of industry buzzwords, nor the new synergies they can help us achieve in emerging vertical markets. What we need is a new paradigm embracing the best practices that will lead us to ever growing profitability.
While you touched on many important paradigms, I think it's crucial to understand that the core of the problem with the buzzword complex is that it overemphasizes the transformative cultural forces present in highly interactive social network ecosystems.
What we truly need is a flexible and authentic approach to telling deep, engaging stories about a performative community culture that focuses not only on iteration but also on building meaningful relationships within our social graphs in order to create an innovative and multifaceted story-based brand, through which we can see past the unnecessary and false dichotomy between sustainable growth and scalable, engaging profit opportunities.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:3)
After reading that, I'm not sure who needs a lobotomy more. Me for having read it and triggered a neural apocalypse which will otherwise leave me seizing on the floor in a puddle of my own bodily fluids, or you for being able to produce it so accurately.
Re: (Score:2)
While you touched on many important paradigms, I think it's crucial to understand that the core of the problem with the buzzword complex is that it overemphasizes the transformative cultural forces present in highly interactive social network ecosystems.
What we truly need is a flexible and authentic approach to telling deep, engaging stories about a performative community culture that focuses not only on iteration but also on building meaningful relationships within our social graphs in order to create an innovative and multifaceted story-based brand, through which we can see past the unnecessary and false dichotomy between sustainable growth and scalable, engaging profit opportunities.
What's a paradigm?
Re: (Score:2)
It has different meanings in different contexts, but when people use it in business it seems to be an attempt to use a philosophy of science meaning of paradigm (inspired by Thomas Kuhn's paradigm shift theory) to make some new idea or theory about marketing, or UI design, or what have you, sound more important and profound than it is.
Instead of saying "it's kind of a pain to design software and translate it to other languages when every button and icon has some text, so let's use icons instead and spare us
Re:Missing option: (Score:5, Funny)
Re: (Score:1)
I've always wanted to turn meetings with vendors into a drinking game. The second they spout some BS buzzword, we all crack open some tall boys and waterfall. I want to do it just to see the look on their face.
Now that is optimal design.
Re: (Score:1)
Like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_KqQZETfR0 [youtube.com]
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:3)
"Whitepaper" is itself a bullshit buzzword.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
A brilliant illustration of how almost no one posting hear seems to actually know what 'Buzzword' means.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Trendy? What, like dancing the Charleston?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_paper#White_papers_in_government [wikipedia.org]
Re: (Score:2)
I wish they'd rename them to something that most reflects their content. Like brownpaper.
Re: (Score:1)
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Cowboy Neal is my proofreader.
Re: (Score:2)
Can I play that on the Symantec Cloud?
Alternate poll... (Score:5, Funny)
If asked to vote in a Slashdot Poll, I feel like ...
Modified for improved relevance.
Re: (Score:2)
The problem is that you won't get anyone to vote honestly for any options that involve not answering. All you'll get is "Answer honestly", "Lie about my opinion", "Complain about the lack of options", and "My vote is always for Cowboy Neal".
Re: (Score:2)
don't blame me, i voted for kodos
It depends on who wrote it ;) (Score:2)
If CowboyNeal or Randall Munroe http://what-if.xkcd.com/ [xkcd.com]) wrote it, I'd read it over and over again and recommend all my friends buy a copy.
Anyone else and it's likely snoozeville or Buzzword Bingo.
Re: (Score:2)
haven't heard a damn thing about the concept since then, must have led nowhere...
Or the NSA clamped down on it hard, and then the ChiComs stole it.
Re: (Score:1)
Re: (Score:2)
I don't have anything to do with corporations either and I'm not even really sure what a white paper is. Can someone enlighten me please?
Re: (Score:2)
Sure, we could tell you. But you wouldn't be enlightened.
Re: (Score:2)
It's marketing desiguised to fool upper management by pretending to be something authoritative.
Re: (Score:3)
Yeah, I was reading the Wikipedia entry as well.
So am I correct to assume a white paper is for example written by Oracle in order to sell an Oracle product. It's a sales pitch hidden as advice, right?
Re: (Score:2)
It depends. Corporations will actually fund research / engineering into topics tangential to their products. For example Intel's paper Designing the Framework of a Parallel Game Engine [intel.com] is about how to design a game engine utilizing multiple cores optimally. But this applies to any multicore CPU, not matter what brand. But because Intel was transitioning from more cycles on one core to more cores at the time, it aided developers to design systems that utilized this approach better. Since AMD was still mostly
Re: (Score:1)
"A white paper is an authoritative report or guide helping readers to understand an issue, solve a problem, or make a decision." -- Wikipedia article on white paper
So, a man page?
depends on whether you include tech reports (Score:5, Interesting)
Some companies separate their reports into "whitepapers", which include the buzzword-filled marketing stuff aimed at execs, and "technical reports", which include technical details and analysis. In those companies, I would not normally read a whitepaper, since all the good stuff is in the tech reports. However, some companies file them both under "whitepapers", in which case there is often some good stuff buried. Sun used to publish some good technical whitepapers, for example.
Re:depends on whether you include tech reports (Score:5, Interesting)
Unfortunately most of the jargon doesn't translate to the company, and often that's perfectly okay with the uppermost management, which is why it gets really ridiculous when the CEO (and/or marketing) starts quoting from it, and the engineering staff has no idea what they're talking about. I first encountered this at HP, when Carly Fiorina the Chief Executioner was blowing smoke about her baby "e-speak", which turned out to be mostly smoke and mirrors. She spoke so inspiringly that most people they allowed her to be inspiring without any actual substance. I remember One day I'd had enough of having no idea what the CEO was saying, so I decided as a lowly engineer that I would take her speech and disect it. As I started to study it, I would ask my fellow engineers, management, and their management what the different buzzwords meant. She was basing the whole direction of the company on this stuff... right? So someone should know what it meant. I was flabberghasted to discover that: NO ONE KNEW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT!? They all smiled or nodded when she'd come to visit, but after the warm fuzzies had faded and we had to go back to making PCs we still didn't really have a clue how it impacted us at all. Little did we know she was laying the ground work for the dismantling of the company... but that's another story for another time... oh and as far as I was able to discover, espeak turned out to be (as far as I could tell) an hp(ish) proprietary type of XML, back around the time xml was still competing to be the standard open source solution and hp thought they could do better.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
To be fair... (Score:2)
They're never really white... (Score:4, Funny)
They've always got all these black marks all over them. I can always use more white paper, but these...psssh.
The best part of corporate white papers (Score:1)
The best part of corporate white papers is ignoring them, and their flawed science.
White paper? (Score:2)
Re: (Score:1)
I prefer red paper. It looks so important.
The best is ... (Score:3)
Re: (Score:1)
You have no idea why this a valid option? Hopefully you will get asked to read 7 of them in one night and give a presentation the next day.... in powerpoint.
I'm sorry, I've had to do much worse and workplace violence is not the solution, nor should it be a poll option. It just shows how low the water in the /. gene pool has sunk.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:3)
Really? Why is stabbing and option and who thought it even remotely appropriate?
Because the "using an assault weapon" poll option was removed to make the poll more politically correct. If the stabbing option still offends your sensebilities, we can substitute "running through the office yelling stabbity, stabbity and bangity, bangity" (line from an old joke).
Cheers,
Dave
Re: (Score:2)
Sure, they're biased and one-sided (Score:1)
But if you want to piece together the truth, you can't depend on finding the "hip professor" who knows everything past, keeps up with everything present, and is willing and able to explain it to you in crystal clear fashion for the price of a restaurant meal.
You've got to sort through a bunch of sources. One nice thing about white papers is that the people writing them understand that if they're written with the density of, say, patents or journal articles, nobody's going to read them. So there are usuall
What? (Score:3)
What the hell is a white paper?
Re:What? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:What? (Score:5, Insightful)
I am very happy to see a nice response as if someone is taking part in an online community, instead of some jack ass saying 'Google is your friend'.
Thank you.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
And, different than what the crowd here might make you believe, sometimes there are some good material being published as a "corporate white paper":
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/ABPub/2011/02/04/2014130646.pdf [nwsource.com]
Re: (Score:1)
Missing option (Score:1)
Taking a printout and saving money on toilet paper.
All of the above (Score:3)
Scandalous past (Score:3)
Been there, done that. Switched from technical writing to programming to escape it.
In other news, you can successfully switch careers in your 40s without getting boned financially.
Re: (Score:2)
SUre, if you go from a low paying position into a high paying in demand position.
Tough to go into a completely new field from a 'high' paying job.
For example: try going from full time programmer to full time bass player.
I once wrote them (Score:2)
By Email/By Phone (Score:1)
By Phone: Listen to pitch. Decline.
Evil spawn of MBAs (Score:2)
This is basically the exact opposite of the truth
Re: (Score:2)
Depend. what YOU are describing is a B2B 'whitepaper' I would argue they aren't really white papers, but marketing took that term anyways.
In the private sector(non B2B) most White papers are just technical explanation of a product.
In the government, they present a policy while inviting participation in the discussion.
You complaint about white paper is akin to saying you hate hacker becasue they are all trying to steal credit card numbers; when in fact the word hacker means more then that.
Sometimes useful (Score:1)
They have their uses. Some whitepapers take some good jabs at their competitors. While you can't take their word, there is often enough to point you in the right direction to being digging on your own, with something to dig for. If you stick at it long enough you can get a good idea of perceived shortcomings of an array of products you are considering. Again, you have to follow up, but sometimes its a starting point.
I've also read other whitepapers that are incredibly useful. Some from SPI Dynamics wri
What IS a white paper? (Score:1)
In Government parlance (at least here in the UK), its part of the law-making process. Government departments publish drafts of upcoming legislation called "green papers" for discussion, rubbishing and so on. the final proposal is called the "white paper". They're so-called because thats the colour of the paper they're printed on. A white paper then grows up to become a Bill and enters the Parlimentary maw in earnest.
"White Papers" issued by commercial organisations are just turgid advertising shit.
When I
Re: (Score:2)
The word webinar (Score:1)
makes me feel the same as the word whitepaper
Summary (Score:1)
If I can't get the paradigm shift before the deliverables are met then I'll have to bring it to the next level or get off the reservation.
white paper? (Score:2)
I prefer white text on a dark background - its easier on my eyes
The sad thing... (Score:2)
If you replace "corporate white paper" with "patent," you can have the same poll options and get similar results. Well, OK, the patent version might get higher results for crying since the BS that gets through the patent office has a direct result on people's livelihoods.
It depends- (Score:1)
Re: (Score:1)
apt get
Re: (Score:2)
It's usually both quicker and less stressful to just try to set whatever it is up, and simply google the various errors you get along the way.
I certainly wouldn't want to be the user of a system which is set up that way.