'Wi-Fi Illness' Spreads To Ontario Public Schools 663
An anonymous reader writes "Readers of Slashdot might be familiar with Lakehead University's ban on WiFi routers a few years ago in Thunder Bay, Ontario because of 'health concerns,' a policy apparently still in effect. Now it seems a group of concerned parents in a number of communities in Ontario have petitioned the local school boards over similar concerns at public schools, where their kids are apparently experiencing 'headaches to dizziness and nausea and even racing heart rates' — symptoms that appear only when they are in school on weekdays, not on weekends at home. 'The symptoms, which also include memory loss, trouble concentrating, skin rashes, hyperactivity, night sweats and insomnia, have been reported in 14 Ontario schools in Barrie, Bradford, Collingwood, Orillia and Wasaga Beach since the board decided to go wireless ...' Besides Wi-Fi signals, could there possibly be any other logical explanation for kids having more symptoms of illness on school days than at home on weekends or in the summer?"
Anonymous Coward (Score:1, Funny)
We all know Wi-Fi was created to serve our reptilian overlords...
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:5, Funny)
As my mom used to call it... "Schoolitosis"
Re:Ridiculous (Score:5, Funny)
Hey man! No way!
It's the radio waves man!
They're trying to control your mind man!
But like, they screwed up man!
They tweaked the flux capacitors too high and shit man!
And now they are making the kids sick instead of washing their brains out man!
(please read in the voice of Cheech)
Re:GODDAMN IPHONES??? (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Ridiculous (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:5, Funny)
In 5th grade, I always felt sick during math class, which was taught by a teacher that I really didn't like.
In my defense, their understanding of mathematics would have made any thinking person ill :-D.
Re:I'm at school i am sick (Score:5, Funny)
This is an outrage and I will not tolerate such lies sir!
Comment removed (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Hmmm.... (Score:3, Funny)
I am living in Barrie Ontario right now and I'm telling you Yuppies are the last thing you are going to see around here...
Say hello to... (Score:2, Funny)
... puberty!
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:3, Funny)
It is not purely physical, it is psychosomatic. You were the best, academically, in grade school and high school. You were smarter and more gifted than your peers were, and so you could control and anticipate any situation, within reason, which was thrown at you. You felt the security of your parents behind your back, their resolute hands on your shoulders, their encouragement being the electromagnetic force in the railgun which propelled you forward.
But now, things are different. You are thrown in situations most unfamiliar, and this time there is nobody to pat you on the head or hold your hand. You're no longer a unique snowflake. Many of your classmates are quicker, more intelligent, and more savvy, and they threaten you. You are no longer the top dog, and you're quaking in your sandals at the prospect of your being reduced to one of those mediocre proles which you used to lead.
Re:It's Black Mold (Score:5, Funny)
In this case, I'd say do it the other way around. Tell them the wifi is off and actually turn them off, but put some transmitters sending white noise on the frequencies they were using.
If their "disease" can tell the difference between white noise and encoded transmissions, put them to work at the Canadian equivalent of the NSA.
Secret origin story. (Score:5, Funny)
Via IRC :
Exposed to deadly WiFi radiation, young Peter Parker finds himself
with all the powers of a wireless network device... and all the problems of a
high school student!
Must... route... packets... Gwen Stacy's life... in balance... musn't
let Aunt May's Facebook page... go down.... ARGHHH!
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:5, Funny)
Re:WiFi at home? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:5, Funny)
It's most likely the water chemistry. Most North American water systems are saturated with minerals
Wow. Imagine that. Minerals. In water. The humanity. I demand that North America triple distill all water before piping it to homes, lest we all be harmed by these evil minerals.
Re:It's Black Mold (Score:5, Funny)
No amount of telling the girls not to do it stopped them, so one day they brought the girls into the bathroom in small groups and the janitor says "let me show you how hard it is to clean lipstick off mirrors" and then promptly sticks a mop into one of the toilets, takes it out dripping wet, and then proceeds to scrub the mirrors with the toilet-water.
After that day, the girls never kissed the mirrors again.
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:1, Funny)
Surely Occam's Razor would suggest that the cause of feeling drowsy in a lecture hall is the boring drone of the professor.
Those symptoms. (Score:2, Funny)
Gee, that sounds just like the side effects of Riddlin.
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:4, Funny)
How about Aspergers, the medical condition whereby you are a complete cunt to everyone you meet.
Or ADHD, attention deficit whatnot Facebook shiny bewbs what-was-I-saying ? That's always good for discussion, until you lose interest in explaining it to people.
You could try Tourettes, that even allows you to swear at your coworkers and bosses, and be congratulated for being a brave person.
There's plenty of "medical" conditions for people who are allergic to work.
Re:It's Black Mold (Score:5, Funny)
put them to work at the Canadian equivalent of the NSA.
The NS, eh?
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:5, Funny)
It's most likely the water chemistry. Most North American water systems are saturated with minerals and various biological agents. Now I know some scrotum employed by the water dept. is going broadcast his/her displeasure with my comments. I can hear it now ... "No ... umm... uhh... dats not tru. Ummm ... err... uh .... NO." Put a TDS meter under your kitchen tap and see for yourself. And that's just for starters.
I noticed that too. I first became aware of it, during the physical act of love...Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred. Women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, ...but I do deny them my essence.
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:5, Funny)
It Has Electrolytes! Is it what plants crave?
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:3, Funny)
The real issue is all the DHMO these kids are being exposed to.
http://www.dhmo.org/
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Mod the summary funny (Score:5, Funny)
"Yes Mom. I know I haven't been going to the lectures; I feel physically sick in them. No mom, I didn't have a problem in high school. I think it must be the low oxygen levels in the large lecture halls. Maybe I'm really sensitive to flickering florescent lighting. Oh hi Dad. You don't think so? No I totally swear it's NOT a hangover! Really, my afternoon classes are just fine. I know what it sounds like, but college isn't as fun as back in your day. Yes I know its definitely not as fun for you when you send in the tuition check either, youve told me only about fifty times. What? can't hear you. oh by, my bros are coming over and we're gonna go down to the row and....review multi-phase fluid mechanics. bye, yes I'm sure it will pass mom. tell dad I need a bit more money again. Calculator broke twice."
NO KEEP THE CREASES! (Score:5, Funny)
No the creases are good, they help scatter the mind control waves instead of reflecting a strong return signal, which will be picked up by the mind control satellites, then the Illuminati will know you're wearing a tinfoil hat and poison your water supply with mind-control nanites instead, or send the grays to abduct you and install an implant if you already run your water through an anti-nanite system.
So remember, creases GOOD, right angles and flat/curved surfaces BAD.
Re:I'm at school i am sick (Score:3, Funny)
But look at the statistics!
Why, 40% of "illnesses" take place on mondays and fridays! That's almost half!