The Cell Phone Has Changed — New Etiquette Needed

CWmike writes to share a recent manners-rant that has some great gems about how not to be "that guy" on a cell phone. What rules of engagement are absolutely necessary and what social penalties should become standard practice for repeat offenders? "It's easy to be rude with a cell phone. A visitor from another planet might conclude that rudeness is a cell phone's main purpose. Random, annoying ring tones go off unexpectedly. People talk too loudly on cell phones in public because of the challenge of holding a conversation in a noisy environment with someone who's not present. Cell phones need their own rules of etiquette, or we'll descend into social barbarism."

Bluetooth headsets make people seem insane.

[gimmebeer]

Walking down the street laughing and talking to an invisible friend without holding anything up to their ear. It's just not right.

This reminds me

[Monkeedude1212]

Have you ever had a conversation with someone, only to find out a few seconds later they were on a Bluetooth talking to someone else?

That happened to me the other day - saw an old friend from Highschool on the train, he was half facing the other way because it was crowded.

I somehow went 3 whole minutes of conversation seeming completely fluid and comprehensible, only to see him turn and be like "Wow I haven't seen you since High School!"

You can imagine my baffled reaction.

Re:You don't need to yell into your phone.

[igadget78]

I've noticed that people needlessly talk very loud on celphones. People underestimate how well modern cel phones will isolate your voice from medium-noisy background pratter. People automatically compensate for the person not being in the room without even thinking about it.

WHATS THAT HONEY? YOU WANT ME TO PICK UP TAMPONS ON THE WAY HOME?

Re:You don't need to yell into your phone.

[ignavusinfo]

s/(I've noticed that people needlessly talk).+/$1./

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[trentblase]

The other day I was guilty of walking downtown while reading some random slashdot article. Someone coming the other direction tried to grab my phone (I imagine him saying "yoink" in his head) and I kind of instinctually pulled it away and kept reading/walking. Only later did I consider that he may have been trying to rob me. I stopped doing the reading/walking thing shortly thereafter (although I had never run into anything, or anyone... not even a close call as it really wasn't that hard to keep track of things immediately in front of me).

Re:This reminds me

[NFN_NLN]

I somehow went 3 whole minutes of conversation seeming completely fluid and comprehensible, only to see him turn and be like "Wow I haven't seen you since High School!"

You can imagine my baffled reaction.

You're the last candidate I'd approve for a Turing Test.

Re:Bluetooth headsets make people seem insane.

[Jhon]

Actually, I am insane. And wearing this little thing in my ear makes me appear normal!

Not only that, but some guys PAY me money now to look busy and sit in an office!

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[Anonymous Coward]

According to studies, talking on a cellphone is far more distracting than talking on a car.

Seems to me that talking on a car might actually be easier than talking on a Sidekick.

Citizens Raging Against Phones

[HTH NE1]

Lazlow: Ants, killer bees, fat people, what's plaguing you? Call now! Chatterbox, hello, you're on the air.
Caller: Err yes, I'd like to say something about these damn people on trains and buses in this city who yammer on and on into their cell phones. I'm really glad to hear about what your having for dinner! What we should do, is herd them up, and put them on an island. I am the President of a group called Citizens Raging Against Phones.
Lazlow: CRAP?!?
Caller: Exactly!
Lazlow: Your organization's called 'CRAP' ... wh-- what kind of moron are you, you wanna round people up for using a phone?!? But you-- your calling up on a phone t-- to tell the world about it! I, I mean, how many people are there in this 'CRAP'?
Caller: Citizens are raging against phones, Lazlow!!
Lazlow: How many people?
Caller: There are three of us. It's hard organizing meetings without the phones though. We've had to resort to carrier pigeons, and they keep disappearing.
Lazlow: What are you speaking to me on? What-- what's that in your hand?
Caller: I am not the problem! You are! And you're perpetuating the downfall of mankind! Liberty City was great before phones ruined everything.
Lazlow: Liberty City was a church, a cow pasture and three houses when the telephone was invented!
Caller: Liar!!
Lazlow: You're the liar!
Caller: Liar, liar, pants on fire!
Lazlow: What are... are you three years old?!?
Caller: Lazlow's a liar, Lazlow's a liar!! I bet that isn't even your real name.
Lazlow: Shut up!!
Caller: You shut up!!
Lazlow: Stupid!
Caller: Nanny nanny boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo!
Lazlow: Ohh...we're going to commercials!

Re:Bluetooth headsets make people seem insane.

[MobileTatsu-NJG]

I just tell people I'm talking to Al. Their reaction is fun whether they get it or not.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[Anonymous Coward]

If I'm talking on a car, I'm distracted by the fact that I'm riding on top of a bloody car!

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[HTH NE1]

According to studies, talking on a cellphone is far more distracting than talking on a car.

Seems to me that talking on a car might actually be easier than talking on a Sidekick.

"I resemble both of those, Michael." -- K.I.T.T.

Re:first rule

[oldhack]

What you say? You're breaking up.

Re:not sure which is worse

[poopdeville]

I'm far more concerned with social crusaders who want to reward oversensitivity with new conventions, blah blah blah

Oh, the irony.

Re:first rule

[HTH NE1]

I find that getting only half the conversation is almost always more entertaining. Less is more.

Well it probably is déjà vu. It sounds like it.

Re:Look at Japan

[decipher_saint]

About the Japanese subway stations:

1. The queuing spots are marked (in most cases)
2. The queuing spots correlate to stop markers which the drivers manage to actually stop on

Where I live when people see a train roll into the station they all rush toward the doors as if it's simultaneously the first train they've ever seen AND the last they're likely to see. Meanwhile the people on board seem rather confused by their stop and linger in the doorways. The drivers are content to stop "in the vicinity" of the station.

I won't even talk about the people who sit next to their bags or leave a newspaper where they were sitting. I suspect they are the same people who enjoy pulling the heads off of small mammals.

An important rule

[oljanx]

When talking into your blue-tooth headset, DO NOT make eye contact with people in the grocery store. I'm tired of strange people asking me if we need milk, damnit.

Re:Ettiquette on public transport.

[antifoidulus]

Unless you're a girl? Then you're all good.

I have been on a greyhound bus, I would put a couple of more caveats on that one....

Re:This reminds me

[rockNme2349]

How was your a Turing Test?

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[thePowerOfGrayskull]

. not even a close call as it really wasn't that hard to keep track of things immediately in front of me).

I would argue that it *was* that hard - if not, he would not have been able to get within yoinking in range without you being aware in the first place.

Re:first rule

[ScrewMaster]

It's not that they're talking on their cellphones that makes us say it's rude IT'S HOW THEY ARE YELLING ON THEIR CELLPHONES SO LOUD THE REST OF US CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER that makes us say it's rude.

True, and if you'd like an excellent example of why a new cellphone etiquette is needed, check out this very educational YouTube video [youtube.com] on the subject.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[D Ninja]

According to studies, talking on a cellphone is far more distracting than talking on a car.

You know one of the advantages of talking on a car? Auto-dial.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[Anonymous Coward]

The reaction probably prevented him from persisting!

If I were trying to rob someone, grabbed their phone, and all they did was non-chalantly - and without taking their eyes off the screen - pull it back and continue walking casually. I'd be very confused for a moment, then decide they were probably some sort of martial arts master and we're being polite enough not to kick my ass - count myself lucky and be on my way.

I can just picture the would-be thief: "Dear god, what kind of a badass doesn't even look up at his assailant - or turns their back to them and keeps walking?"

Re:This reminds me

[acheron12]

Yes, it happens a lot [xkcd.com]

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[Anonymous Coward]

Oh, just get a room for chrissakes. ;)

Re:Phones.

[Builder]

No idea why this got modd'd -1 Troll... The poster has a good argument as to why he should be allowed to look at his glowing cell phone screen at the movies.

Shouldn't it have been '-1, Utter Cunt' ?

Re:Sometimes, you just gotta get down in the gutte

[noidentity]

The best approach seems to be something BOFH-like: retaliate against the annoying person, but not in a way he can trace back to you. So on the bus, you might say something without your mouth being visible to the annoying person, and be sure not to move differently during or after saying it. Maybe even look back as if to try to find who said that.

Re:Rules 1 through 7 of using a Cell Phone

[Anonymous Coward]

Call it a hunch, but I'm guessing you haven't either.