Dvorak Says gPhone is Doomed

drewmoney writes "Speaking with his usual frustrated crankiness John Dvorak rants his way through an article explaining why the gPhone will never work. 'First of all, it wants to put Google search on a phone. It wants to do this because it is obvious to the folks at Google that people need to do Web searches from their phone, so they can, uh, get directions to the restaurant? Of course, they can simply use the phone itself to call the restaurant and ask! I've actually used various phones with Web capability. They never work right. They take forever to navigate. It's hard to read the screens ... I also hope that people note the fact that the public has not been flocking to smartphones of any sort.' "

Really?

[cmdrpaddy]

So it's a guaranteed success then?

Dvorak

[Anonymous Coward]

Man, ever since he came out with that keyboard, he's a know it all.

Crazy Old Man

[cthulu_mt]

...Get off my lawn you damn kids!...

Its all in the name...

[rodney dill]

Phoogle would be a big success.

It's not about search....

[The Slashdotted]

It's about paying $2 for a ring-tone I don't even get to preview. It's about not paying 411 $2.50 to tell me a number each time I need it, because it's not in my redial history. It's about $.002/minute VoIP over WiFi/WiMax. It's about not viewing sites that are not "news" or "sports" but 1/2 sentence snippets you have to pay above your data plan. Do you really care about what "interface" the rapist uses?

Re:On the subject of tags

[NatasRevol]

How about
'Dvork'
'Dveeb'
'Dvumb'
'Dvick'
  or just simply
Dvorak?

maybe phones need a dvorak keyboard

[circletimessquare]

i jest

Re:Is it just me..

[ackthpt]

or does every time Dvorak speak about something, it sounds like the ramblings of an old crazy homeless man...

Some people love attention and once they get it will rattle off whatever is on their minds. Other people (media) will actually record these ramblings and present them as news in the hopes others will read their content, then flip to the ads and give business to one of their advertisers.

Worst of all, onece it makes it to slashdot, someone will do this:

In Soviet Russia phone dooms YOU!

And hopefully that's were it all ends, but you never know, it may be picked up by 60 minutes or 20/20 and go on from there.

Thats funny...

[tgd]

Thats funny, I've actually stopped into Apple stores to look up movies and restaurants on an iPhone.

Go figure.

He can't even put the keys on a keyboard right

[gambolt]

so what the hell does he know?

Re:Dvorak

[ackthpt]

I think he has a point- 14.1" laptop screens are cramped enough even with my thinkpad's 1400x1050 resolution.. I positively shudder to think what it would feel like to read slashdot on a 3 inch screen at a fifth of that resolution.

Are you having "useability" as a yardstick? Silly you. It's all about having an electronic toy that convince

A) Geeks that they will now outrank other geeks.

B) Non-geeks that they are now cooler than other non-geeks.

C) Geeks that having an ubercool toy will get them sex with a non-geek.

Re:Rly

[AKAImBatman]

It's scary how much this:

"First of all, it wants to put Google search on a phone. It wants to do this because it is obvious to the folks at Google that people need to do Web searches from their phone, so they can, uh, get directions to the restaurant? Of course, they can simply use the phone itself to call the restaurant and ask!"

Sounds like the parody [slashdot.org] I did of Dvorak a while back:

"Starbucks needs drive-up windows because they are planning to bring that same environment to your vehicle! That's right, Starbucks wants to give you that same coffee-saturated, easy listening, comfortable seating feeling you get in their stores, but in your car. [...] Starbucks is going to make cars."

Re:Doomed for another reason...

[Goaway]

capitulation

That word does not mean what you think it does.

Re:Dvorak

[tomzyk]

Yeah. He should take the hint and do like Bob Qwerty did and just keep a low profile for the rest of his life...

Re:Rly

[Anonymous Coward]

Ummm... what's a PDA-cum-phone? Google's making phones that sell porn now?

Good one. I wondered what Beavis and/or Butthead were up to these days. Shows what I know. Posting on slashdot wasn't one of my guesses.

Re:Dvorak

[SkyDude]

Are you having "useability" as a yardstick? Silly you. It's all about having an electronic toy that convince

A) Geeks that they will now outrank other geeks.

B) Non-geeks that they are now cooler than other non-geeks.

C) Geeks that having an ubercool toy will get them sex with a non-geek.

I don't have any mod points today, but if I did, I'd mod this funny and interesting. Not sure how I'd do that but I'd try it.

By the way, sex with a non-geek isn't all that exciting. Just ask my wife......

Re:Really?

[twmcneil]

That's a terrible thing to say about Jerry Springer.

Re:Really?

[d34thm0nk3y]

So it's a guaranteed success then?

Hehe, too funny:
Dvorak to Apple - Stop The iPhone [slashdot.org]

How did I find this gem? Clicking the "idiot" tag to see how many Dvorak articles pop up.

Entertainment

[handy_vandal]

He gets paid to make ridiculous, outrageous and often times completely asinine claims based on speculation for the purpose of attracting viewers so ads can be sold.

In other words, he's somewhere between Fox News and World Wrestling Entertainment.

-kgj

Re:Really?

[bean123456789]

This phone [jitterbug.com] is right up your alley

Re:Really?

[Brickwall]

Thanks, that looks exactly like what I want. Too bad they're not available in Canada yet.